Monday, March 2, 2009

A Novel Idea! (Sort Of)

Being very pregnant in a large crowded place can make for some interesting predicaments. For example, I have a general policy of avoiding public restrooms in places like stadiums - especially when the great majority of the population is busy drinking adult beverages. And while we girls do have the option of that thigh-burning-hoover maneuver, there is always the risk of losing your balance (especially when you're toting around a big belly) or your legs giving out on you(also a distinct possibility at 4:00 am) and landing smack dab on the germy toilet seat that my mother always warned me about.

My dedication to the no-bathroom-breaks-in-stadiums rule applied even more so at the Sambódromo last week. Which means I carefully made sure to only ingest as many fluids as I was sweating out, thereby removing the necessity for bathroom breaks. (Hey, I know, not the healthiest option out there, but judging by the massive crowds, I was seriously afraid to go into the restroom there . . .)

Growing up with 3 brothers and now having a husband, I am quick to admit that on more than one occasion I have been jealous of their ability to answer the call of nature pretty much anywhere and without the need to condition their thigh muscles first. And I confess that a twinge of jealousy did come over me as we left the Sambódromo at 5:00 am and Eric made a quick restroom stop. Despite sweating plenty, it had been like 10 hours since I had been near a clean restroom and that's a heck of a long time for this prego - especially after enduring several hours of a four-pound fetus samba dancing on your bladder!

So imagine my disappointment when I was unpacking on Thursday last week and I discovered one of the many "goodies" I had been unknowingly handed as I entered the Sambódromo:

(front of package)

(back of package)

Along with several condoms (yes, seriously, they handed everyone entering the place 4 condoms . . . now, first off, that doesn't help to change the tourists' image of Carnaval/Brasil . . . and further more, something about me being, oh, 8 months pregnant and being there with my husband makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, I was't the most ideal recipient of their safe-sex campaign handouts . . . but I digress), I was handed three of these babies. Without even looking at what they gave me, I threw the three small packages in our bag along with all the other fun handouts of the evening.

Now, if you will notice the bottom right of the back of the package (as pictured above), you might observe that there is a diagram of a woman standing in front of the toilet as she relieves herself. Oh yes, my friends, I had been given the gift of standing to pee! And I didn't even know it!!!

Of course, this being the first time I had ever been exposed to this concept, I quickly opened up a package to further inspect this little contraption.

And then it took me at least 10 minutes to stop giggling. My mind started going in all kinds of directions (like: I wonder if the women's restroom had a trough ahahahahaha; and, what would I have thought if I had gone into the restroom without the knowledge of this little device and seen high heels in the stall next to me turned the wrong way, facing the toilet? hehehehehe) Oh, I'm just never too old for a little potty humor.

But I am still rather disappointed that I didn't know about this until three days later. Of course, I really doubt I would have been able to bring myself to try using it - something about it just screams "accident-waiting-to-happen", or to me at least. But still, it is rather tempting to throw one of the unopened packages into my purse, you know, just in case. And furthermore, despite my reluctance to embrace such technology, kudos to the genius who is trying to rid us ladies of our hoovering-necessities!

(Fellow Brasil-Blogger and friend over at Daily Rio Life also had a bit to say about this and much more on the xixi topic. And just for the record, my lab (oh thank goodness!) does things a bit differently than hers! hehehe)


Laural Out Loud said...

Did you try it out? PLEASE tell me you gave it a go! I just can't imagine that the cardboard would hold up all that well.

Emily said...

See Laural, that's just the thing. It just seems like I would end up with a big mess to clean up . . . my lack of desire to clean up urine from various surfaces seems to trump my curiosity. I'd be happy to send one these things to you for a full report though. ;)

lovelydharma said...

Oh my -- that it too funny! I wonder if we ladies would have to work on our aim! I always give boys a hard time for being so sloppy, but maybe it's harder than it looks!

Hey- these would make a great addition to the camping gear. It'd save you from having to get your bum all mosquito bitten when squatting (or from accidentally piddling in a pile of fire ants - it happened...)

Ohohoh! Or we could practice writing our names in the snow! The possibilites are just endless...

An American Girl said...

That is one fancy device! I cannot believe you didn't pee for 10 hours! You are a champ! Just saw DRLs post, too...holy cow. I will definitely be asking our OBGYN about how they go about their labs, too! Poor girl!

Mrs. S said...

hahahaha I saw the same thing over at DRL, too funny!!! See Im bad...I would have to see if I could accomplish it...Im just worried, I would be laughing too hard to actually accomplish anything! But I think Robyn's right...while camping it could definitely help! And 10 hours??? I am not pregnant and I just dont think I could hold out!! :)

Márcio Pareto said...

Here's the ad with Ivete Sangalo: