An Explanation of Why Eric Will Soon Be Gray

Alternate Title 1: An Explanation of Why Gabriela Might Not Be Allowed to Leave the House Until She's 30

Alternate Title 2: An Explanation of Why Eric is Requesting Firearms for Every Major Holiday for the Next 16 Years


While the jury is still out on our little Lilian, I think we can safely assume that Gabriela is going to give her father a lot of gray hair. And it's not just because she is my daughter and I have it coming to me. (Stop smirking, Dad!)...

I'll share a few pieces of recent evidence to support my theory.

Concerning Behavior Example #1: Dressing Like the Women Featured on TLC's What Not To Wear

I hit up a consignment shop's half-price sale a couple weeks ago and bought a bunch of stuff for the girls. Gabriela, who LOVES clothes, was beyond excited when I got home and she got to go through it all! It was like Christmas all over again. After sorting through, removing tags, and getting everything ready to be washed, Eric and I went into the kitchen to prepare lunch. When we called Gabriela in to eat, she came strutting into the kitchen wearing one of her new outfits. Well, if you consider a denim skirt and ruffly bikini top an "outfit", that is. She was ooooohing and aaaaahing and twirling to show off her dining-wear of choice. (I wish I'd captured the moment, but the second I suggested that it wasn't an acceptable outfit, she stripped naked.)

Concerning Behavior Example #2: Dress, High Heels and Pearls. Minus the Dress

Her outfits of choice are always interesting. She is constantly changing her clothes throughout the day and she love dress-up. Her father found it mildly concerning that when she got a box full of dress-up clothes and accessories from her Nena and Papa, she chose to strip down to her panties and wear the heels and jewelry...and refused to put on a dress. (She also totally flipped out when Nena tried to put the clip-on earring on her. I guess it's a good thing I went against the grain in Brasil and didn't pierce her ears as a baby. Seems she loves accessories, but not if it involves her ear lobes.)

Concerning Behavior #3: Forget the Used Lot, She Wants NEW!

Walking through the airport after seeing Grandpa off on Sunday, we walked past a Model T on display. Gabriela stopped and observed the vehicle, looking it over well, before asking, "What dat, Mamae? What dat?" I told her that it was a very, very old car. Thinking on that answer for a moment and then turning away, Gabs shook her head and firmly declared, "Bobbi* nao gosta carros velhos." (Gabi doesn't like old cars.) And then with a little bounce and skip, said, nearly singing,"Bobbi gosta carros NOVOS!" (Gabi likes NEW cars!) *She calls herself Bobbi or La-lela for Gabi or Gabriela.

Concerning Behavior #4: A Fondness for Good Looking Fellas (Besides her Daddy)

While sitting in the truck waiting for Eric outside of his office last week, lots of people were exiting and walking past where we were parked. As each person walked by, Gabriela would ask, "Quem isso, Mamae? Quem isso?" (Who's that Mommy? Who's that?) I knew the names of most of the people, so I was able to tell her.

After playing this game with about a dozen people, out walked someone I didn't recognize. He was young (oh, okay, so he was about my age I think...maybe "young-ish" is the better term?), tall, dark, and what an unmarried woman might consider rather handsome (not that I notice those things at all...I only have eyes for you, my Dear). Gabriela asked the same question, "Quem isso, Mamae? Quem isso?" I told her I didn't know his name, but that he was a colleague of Papai's. Gabriela watched intently as he walked on by and then responded with a big smile and nodding her head emphatically, "Oooooooh, Bobbi gosta da colega do Papai!" (Gabi likes Papai's colleague!)

Concerning Behavior #5: Sometimes a Photo Speaks For Itself

I regularly find the child in her room, scantily clad, and up on her vanity posing in front of the mirror.

The One About Poo

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've posted. I'm sure I've left everyone with lots of questions about our life: How is everyone? What are the girls up to these days? How cold is it in Iowa right now? And with any luck, I'll get to that stuff one of these days. Today however, I am led in a different: The girls' digestive systems. Yes, let's break the silence on the blog with some good poop talk...'cause that's what you do when you're a parent. You talk about poop.

We'll start with the little one. Lilian, my sweet Lilian. Whose first word was "mama" just before 11 months. Whose 2nd word was just about a month ago. It was "gaaaaa" (gas). Yes, my little petite cupcake's second word was gas. And to date, it remains her favorite. She enjoys announcing to the world whenever she toots or burps. She is also quick to let the world know when anyone else around her passes gas...and she often points at the offender. You can't get away with anything around that one. Be warned.

It should also be noted that besides being highly entertained by bodily functions, there is something about the car seat that makes the kid fill her diaper. You frequently go the door on her side and are met by a giant, contented grin, maybe even an excited squeal, and the stench of a poop-filled diaper. Which often escapes the diaper (always escapes if she is wearing a disposable) and fills up her pants legs and possibly even the car seat. I'm not sure if her pleasure is derived from the fact that she feels better with her bowels empty or that she finds humor in knowing the mess someone else is about to have to clean up. Either way, it's really quite charming. (<--insert sarcastic tone here)

And then there is Gabriela. Or Miss Fiber as I believe I might start calling her. More than once she has snuck off with a box of prunes and totally chowed down until I caught her. (Note, a child who eats a half pound of prunes in the morning will be spending the afternoon sitting on the potty. In the case of my two year old, that is considered a benefit of said activity. Much like her sister's fascination with gas, Gabs gets exceptionally excited about pooping.) When not eating copious amounts of prunes, she enjoys bran flakes or All-Bran bran buds, fruits of all kind, sweet corn, beans...she's a proctologist's dream patient. The kid loves her fiber. Which I'm going to credit for afternoons like today.

Just as I got up the counter at the bank today with two children en tow, Gabriela announced that she needed to "faz cocô". It's moments like these that I am thankful we speak Portuguese, as I don't believe everyone in the bank wished to hear about her need for a toilet at that moment. I asked her if she could wait just a few minutes, and she told me she could. Although the look in her eyes said otherwise. I asked the teller if there was a bathroom we could use, but I was informed there was no public restroom. I told Gabs she would have to wait just a moment. The transaction at the bank counter was taking longer than it should. Gabriela continued to remind me she needed to poop. I explained that the two year old really needed a potty, but the nice teller explained to me that we were not allowed to use the restroom at the bank. Moments later, as I continued to wait on the teller to finish our transaction, I watched as Gabs got a most concerned look on her face, and then, with tears building, she told me that she had cocô in her new monkey panties.

It should be noted that a diet high in fiber leads to rather soft stools. Rather soft stools are rather difficult for a two year old to control. And getting poop in your new panties is really upsetting. Especially when they are your favorite ones with monkeys on them.

It's not a lot of fun to clean soft poo out of monkey panties in the bank parking lot either - you know, since we couldn't use the bathroom there, and I wasn't about to make the poor kid sit in her car seat with her pants full. That's for Lilian to do. Which she did. On the way home from the bank.